A Battle of Words, Yaoi Style
by Mistress of the Yaoi Files
Summary: Dirtied version of Teaching Aeris, by Sirius Dogstar( my sib) Have fun, all of you out there who like this. Don't be shy, gimme reviews!!!!


Teaching Aeris  
  
By Sirius Dogstar  
  
"You mean to tell me little miss innocent that you have never fucking cursed in your whole damn life?" Cid asked Aeris as he leaned against his Venus Gospel. Aeris ran a finger through one of her amber locks, shaking her head.  
  
"Can't say that I have," she said with a shrug.  
  
"Not even when your mother died?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"What about when Tifa caught you putting her bra in the freezer?" he asked stifling a giggle. Tifa in a wet white shirt… now there had been a sight to see.  
  
"No, although that was a particularly provoking incident."  
  
"Well crap Aeris!" he exclaimed shaking his head. "A person can't get through life this fucking day and age without a few damn swear words…"  
  
"I have," she replied with a smile.  
  
"Let me ask you this then… what are you going to say when we face Sephiroth? Gosh darn it?" She paused a moment to think of a reply, before conceding defeat.  
  
"All right Cid, you got me there," she admitted. "But what can we do about it?" Cid smiled deviously.  
  
"Well… since the others are out hunting for a place to spend the damn night in this Hellhole, I have the time to teach you."  
  
"Teach me?" He nodded, taking a cigarette from his flight goggles and lighting it.  
  
"You'll learn from the fucking master Aeris," he said proudly.  
  
"So teach me old sensei," she giggled.  
  
"Old!" Cid yelled clenching his fist. "Why I oughtta…" He moved to wave a fist in the air, momentarily forgetting his prized spear. It dropped to the ground, and as he walked over to Aeris he accidentally stepped on it. The spear stood upright, its ornate end poked directly into his rear. Cid then proceeded to shout out a string of curse words that would make Satan proud, while rubbing his asshole.  
  
"Damn it, I did not want my fucking asshole sore. I need that tonight, and I aint' gonna get lucky if my fucking asshole is hurting like the bunghole of some roadkill critter. Damn it to the Nine Hells! Mother fucking titty sucking asshole piece of shit DAMN ROD!!!!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"There, all done," Aeris said as she finished healing Cid with a cure. "All better."  
  
"Not all fucking better!" he shouted. "Now I have a damn hole in my fucking pants and a shitty ego wound to boot." Aeris just shook her head, reaching into one of her pockets to pull out a threaded needle.  
  
"I can fix that," she said softly. "Now just hold still…"  
  
"Why the Hell do you carry that on you Aeris?" Cid asked.  
  
"In case I loose my materia," she replied. "Now I am curious Cid but… how did you learn how to curse?" Cid blushed a bit, settling in to try and make himself as comfortable as possible with a woman bent over his ass, plying a needle on his seat.  
  
"Well Aeris… believe it or not I was once like you. Let me tell you… it made my life a living Hell. I was the laughing stock. Tough guy Cid who never curses… but I showed them! They all pushed me too damn far… and once I started I never stopped!" To emphasize his point he started to get up and wave a fist… but stopped as he felt the needle stick into him.  
  
"Damn it woman, would you stop causing me to injure that! I kinda would like to keep my asshole with one hole, not several if you don't mind!"  
  
"I told you not to move!" Aeris said. Cid proceeded to curse so long and hard that it would make a sailor blush…  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"There, I'm finished," Aeris said tucking away her supplies.  
  
"It's about damn time!" Cid muttered, rubbing his aching behind as he sat up. "My ass was getting numb, and there ain't no son of a bitch near me to help warm it up again!" Aeris giggled again, causing Cid to roll his blue eyes.  
  
"Honestly Aeris… you can't be such a schoolgirl! Nobody is that damn wholesome!" Aeris just winked at Cid, causing him to raise a brow. What was she hiding?"  
  
"Wouldn't you like to know?" she asked. Cid sighed, picking up his Venus Gospel. He proceeded to cleaning off the grass smudges, making the spear shine.  
  
"Sometimes I wonder about you kid," he muttered.  
  
"Some things are better left a mystery," she said. "Besides… the others are coming!"  
  
"Where?" Cid asked. "Damn it I don't see them Aeris!" It was about then that he heard the sound of a sleepel spell. He turned around to find Aeris summoning the magic, and it was the last thing he saw before drifting off to sleep.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
About an hour later, the rest of the party really returned. "Cid! Aeris!" Cloud shouted waving his hands around like an idiot. "We're back!" Cid just met them with arms folded, a cigarette dangling and blue eyes glaring. Wasn't it obvious they were back now?  
  
"It's about fucking time," Cid replied with a snort. "I'm getting sick of that damn pansy ass." With that said, Cid crushed the cigarette in a brown glove and then pulled another from the goggles and proceeded to smoke it. Cid couldn't help but smile as he noticed Tifa trying without success to hold her laughter at the comment.  
  
"Be nice you two," Cloud said shaking his head. "Where is Aeris anyways?"  
  
"Sleeping," Cid replied with a shrug. "What do you expect from a fucking sissy?" Cid pointed them towards a treestump, where Aeris was sprawled out.  
  
"She's so cute when she sleeps…" Cloud commented with a smile on his face as he advanced towards Aeris.  
  
"What are you plotting Cloud?" Cait Sith asked. Cloud just winked back at them, and it took both Barret and Cait Sith to hold a very jealous Tifa back.  
  
Meanwhile, Cloud bent on one knee to where he was at face level with Aeris. He pressed his lips against Aeris's own affectionately when…  
  
"Holy…" Aeris started to shout but Cloud covered the mouth.  
  
"Say no more Aeris!" he said. "I love you!" He bent down and kissed Aeris again, while Cid just laughed and laughed.  
  
"I will kill her!" Tifa yelled as she broke away from her captors. With a well placed punch at a certain spot she knocked Cloud out.  
  
"Cloud!" Cid yelled jumping to the boy's aid. Meanwhile, Tifa moved to punch Aeris. Aeris however was quick. Grabbing Cid's Venus Gospel Aeris expertly knocked Tifa out with a blow to the head.  
  
"A spear is a man's best friend," Aeris said, drawing some very weird looks.  
  
"A man? But aren't you a woman Aeris?" Red asked raising a brow. Aeris looked down at the pink dress, green eyes opened wide. Aeris looked over at Cid, who only smirked.  
  
"Wait, wait, wait! You're Cid!" Cloud said as the lightbulb went off in his brain. Aeris nodded, and with a tug at the brown wig revealed Cid hair. "And you are Aeris?" he asked, pointing to the other. Aeris nodded, pulling off the flight jacket to reveal healthy boobs untamed by any frufru dress.  
  
"Damn straight!" she replied taking another puff of the cigarette. "It's amazing what kind of costumes one picks up in the slums…"  
  
"Now this is fun!" Cait said with a smile as Cid faced Aeris. Everyone expected Cid to curse… but instead he just laughed.  
  
"I taught you well!" he said patting her on the back. Cait Sith meanwhile took a camera from the mog and snapped a photo.  
  
"This should prove useful," he whispered to himself. Meanwhile, Cloud had already woken up and was busy washing his mouth out at the nearby stream. But his cries could be heard miles away…  
  
"YUCK! I KISSED A MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Cid smiled.  
  
"Come on Cloud, you saying you didn't enjoy it just a little? Come on, we are alone, just say it!"  
  
Cloud looked at him with uncertainty.  
  
"....I guess. "  
  
"Didn't you think those boobs were hideous? All gloppy and hanging down like overripe fruit?"  
  
"Yeah, they were kinda ugly."  
  
"Alright. Come here, I got an ache for you to scratch. I want you to try something else, little buttercup."  
  
"BUTTERCUP MY ASS! YOU FUCKING FAGGOT!"  
  
"Yup, your ass, and mine, then yours again, and so on and so on, you fucking faggot fairy."  
  
"Oh, okay then."  
  
And Cloud was led off by a very proud Cid as Cid flicked Tifa and Aeris the finger.  
  
He shouted,  
  
"I'm getting some, and you aint' gettin none. Why don't you two go play with your own, this one is mine, mine, mine."  
  
Tifa looked at Aeris with outrage, and both of their faces lit up red.  
  
"HOW DARE HE!" they screamed in unisom.  
  
Tifa looked over at Aeris.  
  
" I don't know about you, but sex with my worst enemy seems rather exciting. You up for a round, little miss perfect no more, I bet you learned some fun stuff in those slums."  
  
"Well..." said Aeris, "there is only one way to find out."  
  
The two left the group then, off to find their own little space. 


End file.
